Where Have You Been?

I haven’t written here for a year.  Where have I been?

I have no idea.

I think I may be having an actual midlife crisis.  I’ve often commented about having a midlife crisis.  I believe I’ve written about them for the last ten years.  I’m either not expecting to live very long or my continuance of having them is extending my life indefinitely.

There’s a possibility these midlife crises have not been diagnosed professionally.   I decided to learn to swim at age of 38 and I guess I needed a reason besides not wanting to drown in a swimming pool.

I’ve had around 46.5 nonprofessionally diagnosed midlife crises.  

This one might be real, though.

A real not professionally diagnosed midlife crisis.  This time I read three different websites about them.  So now I know.

I’ve been questioning what I’ve done with my life.  Have my choices been the right ones?  Are there right choices?  Or are there just different choices?

These questions and my continual thoughts of the answers have frozen me.  And not the good frozen way where I get a magnificent new hairstyle and dress and a castle appears for me to live in with a scary ice guard outside of it.

I stopped writing.  In general.  But especially about the irony of life.  

Because I’ve stopped finding it.

Everything has been so serious.

I’ve been writing about life’s irony since I was first married.  I would send out mass emails to family and friends.  I had fun writing them.  Not many replies.  It wasn’t about the replies.  It was about the enjoyment of writing.

Perhaps I’m being lazy.  I haven’t looked up any web sites about this, but it’s much easier to consume material rather than produce it.

Perhaps no one reads material like this.  But I never did it to become rich and famous.  Not deep down.  Occasionally I wonder what it would be like to go viral, but that would mean people might recognize me.  

Are these just excuses?  Am I afraid of offending people?  

Let’s be honest with each other – I probably won’t ever know the answers to any of these questions.  (Admitting this is a sign of progress.  I believe that was on the second website.)

So, I’m going to see what happens this time around as I try to write about the irony of life again.  Some may wonder, if I’m worried about everything, why don’t I use a journal and keep it private? I write differently when I know others could read it.  I think differently, as well.  I edit and reread and ponder.

And maybe someone has felt the same way.

Maybe.

Plus – I like an ending to my ideas.  It tidies it all up in my head.  With a cute bow.

A cute, emerald-green bow.

Irony + a cute, tidy emerald-green bow is what I would like in my life right now

Want to go on this journey with me?

Great!  

First stop: a ribbon store.

I cannot figure out how to add smaller images. So there’s part of a picture.